Going to Seed… and the semi-empty nest

More than a year ago, I did my first blog…. And thought I would document the process of getting older, going “through the change” and all that. Well, here I am, blogging again. Maybe I can keep up some sort of running commentary. Lots had happened and I plan to do a few of my blogs, hopefully recalling the events.

There has been a confluence of events over a few short months which has made an impact on me. Maybe it is because I am in that phase of life…

It was my eldest child’s birthday yesterday. 26 years old. And not only was it his birthday, but he always moved out of the parents’ home, into a place of his own together with his woman. It was time, and as with all things, life goes on and as we finish the one chapter of a book, a new is started (unless, it is “Finis”).

Taking a step back, about 4 months ago, my eldest daughter embarked on an adventure: living and working in China and left her spot empty. After she had left, I did a clean-up and storage in some totes of all the goodies in her room, moved some furniture around, got rid of a desk that was a thorn in my side for a long time.

At during this time of change, within the past week, my father has been moved to a retirement home. And we know that it is where he will be until it is time to pass on. With my mother already passed on 5 years ago, it is a realization that my siblings and I are now on the front lines.

There is also…  emptiness.

My son’s room, which was always a seriously messy place, was packed up, and I dusted, vacuumed and discarded whatever was still lying around after they had gone. It’s just sitting there, all austere. My daughter’s room is a quiet spot, seemingly waiting.

It’s strange, neither of the children made lots of noise, or even interacted with me intensively on a daily basis, but there was interaction, with each other, with me, my husband and of course the youngest one still in the house. And there is a knowledge of presence. My youngest also remarks that even though many days we passed like ships in the night, it is that knowledge that someone is living there.

I know it’s time for a new era in my life, the same as it is for them. It brings new freedoms, I believe. All of a sudden, I have to take care not to purchase too much food, and stop myself thinking about making sure that there is enough food for 6 and now only for 3.

Yet, there is a sadness and an emptiness and I am sure these are natural phases. Finding ways of expanding my narrow existence may be a challenge. Introvert “to the max”, work from home, hate social events, being an immigrant, my life revolved a lot around kids and family.

Winter in a snowy country, where the sun sets early now, at 5pm is was already dark tonight.

Maybe blogging can take up some of it. And I still have one last "chick" left. Maybe the two of us can get up to mischief before the opportunity passes...